Positive Vs negative emotions

Hello everyone and welcome once more,

This time I want to talk about positive and negative emotions.
Remember when you were small and couldn't wait for your birthday or Christmas?
Wondering what you will get from Santa or your parents? Being exited and happy? I remember how I used to be that exited when I was a kid. Years have gone past now, and I have the feeling I forgot how to be happy or exited. Sometimes I think I'm only good at showing negative emotions like anger, sadness, depression etc. Where did the happy go?
Sometimes when I take walks I begin to think in my own world, I love to walk through nature because it makes me calm and content. I still wonder where that feeling of true happiness went. I wonder if it's something that slowly goes away the older you get, or if it's just me?
For example; at the moment I can't wait to go on vacation to London in July. However I can't say I'm really exited about it that I want to scream it off the rooftops. Is this normal? I don't know..
Lets just say I miss some emotions I used to have as a kid, and I really want to have them back as soon as possible. That would make my life so much better.

Negative emotions on the other hand; I've got a basket full. The past week I have been depressed, depressed because I didn't know what to do, depressed because mainly my life is standing still. On top of that some small things happened to me, but when you feel like that, those small things suddenly become bigger and bigger. Especially if they follow each other up. Sunday however was a pretty good day I must say.

I still wish for progress in my life, sometimes I wonder if I suffer from a midlife crisis in my 20's. Kind of funny when you think about it! Also this year shall be my 25th anniversary, a quarter century. I feel like doing something big, something fun. I'll see about that though.

Sometimes I want to rant on here; things that went bad etc. etc. I figured that would only bore you guys, and at that time I probably don't think straight. Ah, before I forget Pro Persona contacted me for a treatment conversation; I hope this will help find my true self once again.

Finally here's the last thing I want to share with you guys;
Do you have a person you look up to? Do you sometimes wish you could be more like him/her? I sure do. I however don't have one person, I have many. Some not directly involved in my life ( for example characters from movies etc.) and some directly involved in my life like my dad, colleagues etc.
Sometimes I wish I was more social. I'm still scared to show myself in public, it goes a little better, but if suddenly all attention is focused on me I freak out. There are probably more things I wish I could do in comparison to what I can do now, but if I have to make a list it'll probably take ages, haha.
Sometimes I'm just not happy with who I am, sometimes I wonder who I am, and sometimes I wonder if I can change some things about me. One thing is certain, I can't do that alone.

Lately I figured out I don't like to be held (for too long). I remember my dad telling me I didn't like anyone holding me when I was a kid except for him. Sometimes I still feel that way, I guess I can't stand the fact that I can't move freely anymore..I don't know. Well either way, I'm out!

Have a great evening!