Hey everyone,
Today I started noticing my concentration is lower than it was before. I noticed in traffic first, slow reaction...didn't see things. I noticed while playing Battlefield 4 earlier. I am not as sharp as I used to be. Must be because I am tired. Thinking back with what I wrote yesterday...it all makes sense.
What makes sense? I'm going to tell you.
Lately I am having trouble sleeping. I am not afraid of the dark, but I am afraid there is someone or something lurking at me from the shadows. I am afraid I might wake up facing an intruder in my bedroom. Reading all these articles about robberies when the robbers stand in your bedroom having you at gunpoint doesn't exactly help either. I know it is mostly a play in my head which is going sour, but still, the thought of something watching me keeps me up at night. Try to be alert, try to be able to handle accordingly, going over to action immediately. Unfortunately this has an impact on my night's rest. I don't sleep as well.
Now there are a few things which I have done and/or am doing to make me feel safer, I mean I lock the door, I put the safety stop on it as well.. I have a LED board which I turn on every now and then. I have glow sticks which I place in the room. I have a stuffed turtle with lights in his shield which project stars on the ceiling. Apart from Turtle being that cool turtle, it helps me sleep at night for a bit. I am surrounded by things to use as weapons as well. Still...I am having trouble sleeping.
The reason behind this is, or at least I'm 90% sure it is, is because I never lived on my own. I had my parents living in my house, after that I moved in with my ex. So I have never truly been alone. I remember when my ex went away for a couple of days I experienced that same feeling. Now I am all alone in the house which worries me a bit.
I am going to discuss this issue with my psychologist upcoming Tuesday, see if she has any tips for me.
Right now this is all I wanted to talk about. If more comes to mind I'll let you know.
Hang in there everybody! Catch you on the flipside.
Yours truly,
Mike
donderdag 28 augustus 2014
woensdag 27 augustus 2014
August 27th 2014
Hello everyone.
Do you have those moments that everything starts to lose its colour? Things around you slowly turning black and white? I am having one of those moments right now and it is really odd. As if I am watching a colour film on a tv which is getting too old to actively show colours on the screen. Odd I tell you.
My vision is also a bit blurry, I wonder what's the cause. It happened just now. Everything is turning and moving...like watching an optical illusion. I believe it is fairly harmless but I do find it odd in a way, making me wonder what the cause could be.
Might be the light, might be stress, might be my eyes getting tired. Maybe I should go to sleep early today. I think I will.
Other than that not much going on I think. I just finished reading "Let the devil sleep" a mastermind thriller novel by John Verdon and the third in the protagonist's Dave Gurney series. The other two are: "Think of a number" and "Shut your eyes tight". I would love to get my hands on the fourth of the series; "Peter Pan must die", however unfortunately it is only available in hardcover while I wish to have the paperback. Why? Because I own all the other books in paperback as well. I suggest that if you are into crime thrillers you give the series a read! They are powerful, well-written and can keep you reading for hours, a habit that was far beyond reach ever since I left primary school. I mean I loved to read as a kid, did do that a lot. Visited the library weekly back then. Somehow at some point I stopped reading. Thing is, I can't read everything anymore, it has to be written in a certain style...a style so catchy you'd want to keep reading.
I have found out that I can find that specific feature in English books, so I try to read things in English as much as I can. I mean ever since a kid I was interested in English. Actually, my English is better than my mother language even if I say so myself. I like to think this is the truth. I understand English better, sometimes I find myself wondering what the Dutch word is for the English word I've got in mind in the situation I find myself in. I even think in English...odd isn't it?
Talking about a certain way of thinking...I often find myself thinking in film-noir style as well, like some kind of Bogart, hah! It certainly has it's funny moments the way I picture it in my own mind. Considering I am a big fan of anything detective.... Film-noir and detective? Golden combination if you ask me.
I suppose I have bored you enough with my rather unusual way of thinking, but I hope it brings a little light on the person that is me. Thank you for your time and catch you around next time!
Yours truly,
Mike
Do you have those moments that everything starts to lose its colour? Things around you slowly turning black and white? I am having one of those moments right now and it is really odd. As if I am watching a colour film on a tv which is getting too old to actively show colours on the screen. Odd I tell you.
My vision is also a bit blurry, I wonder what's the cause. It happened just now. Everything is turning and moving...like watching an optical illusion. I believe it is fairly harmless but I do find it odd in a way, making me wonder what the cause could be.
Might be the light, might be stress, might be my eyes getting tired. Maybe I should go to sleep early today. I think I will.
Other than that not much going on I think. I just finished reading "Let the devil sleep" a mastermind thriller novel by John Verdon and the third in the protagonist's Dave Gurney series. The other two are: "Think of a number" and "Shut your eyes tight". I would love to get my hands on the fourth of the series; "Peter Pan must die", however unfortunately it is only available in hardcover while I wish to have the paperback. Why? Because I own all the other books in paperback as well. I suggest that if you are into crime thrillers you give the series a read! They are powerful, well-written and can keep you reading for hours, a habit that was far beyond reach ever since I left primary school. I mean I loved to read as a kid, did do that a lot. Visited the library weekly back then. Somehow at some point I stopped reading. Thing is, I can't read everything anymore, it has to be written in a certain style...a style so catchy you'd want to keep reading.
I have found out that I can find that specific feature in English books, so I try to read things in English as much as I can. I mean ever since a kid I was interested in English. Actually, my English is better than my mother language even if I say so myself. I like to think this is the truth. I understand English better, sometimes I find myself wondering what the Dutch word is for the English word I've got in mind in the situation I find myself in. I even think in English...odd isn't it?
Talking about a certain way of thinking...I often find myself thinking in film-noir style as well, like some kind of Bogart, hah! It certainly has it's funny moments the way I picture it in my own mind. Considering I am a big fan of anything detective.... Film-noir and detective? Golden combination if you ask me.
I suppose I have bored you enough with my rather unusual way of thinking, but I hope it brings a little light on the person that is me. Thank you for your time and catch you around next time!
Yours truly,
Mike
zondag 24 augustus 2014
August 24th 2014
Good day everyone!
The last couple of days has been good for me, I took a day off like I said in an earlier post and for the first time in my life it felt good to spend time on myself. Reflecting back on that I think I really needed that one day.
Yesterday I went out to play pool with my friend Martin again. This time I won 8 to 7 in comparison to my lose last time by 9 to 4. It was a great evening and we stayed for about 5 hours. This caught the attention of some waitresses who were particularly interested in Martin. Like a good Bro of course I vouched for him!
Besides small talk isn't exactly an asperger's greatest trait.
Getting home past midnight and not being tired was a bit weird...It was too late to do anything or rather I didn't want to make too much noise that would wake up my neighbours. I have been hanging on the sofa petting the cats until I decided to hit the sack around 1 A.M.
I woke up realizing it was probably before 7 A.M. I didn't want to watch my alarm clock, because if I look at it I can't fall asleep again. Let me rephrase that, if I wake up in the morning, I can't fall asleep again. So of course I did what I always did. I got up. This was around 6:30 A.M.
I immediately dressed up for jogging and went on my way. I noticed that by controlling your breathing and stretching twice I could hold on longer before my legs start to hurt. Concentrating on my breathing also helped. I didn't stop to walk as much as I did last week, which is a huge accomplishment for me. At least I don't have the idea I'm not improving. Nothing feels as bad as trying hard, but not getting an inch further.
But I did it and I am pretty proud of myself!
The best part is yet to come however!
The area where I am jogging is full with bunnies. Now if you know me I really love bunnies. I wouldn't say they are my favourite animal, but I really love them! They are so cute. So I was jogging and I expected to see one or two. I did at first, but then I reached a part, and it looked like a whole army!!!
It was so much fun to see! At least 10 bunnies hopped away! Haha amazing! A while further on the trail I even saw a baby bunny! Amazing!!!!
Other than that I am editing a Battlefield 4 video I shot 3 days ago while playing. Expect it to be on youtube soon! Talking of which, I recruited some new members for the platoon I have; Howlin Mad.
Really nice people and exactly what I am looking for in a player. Someone who plays for fun, and wants to play with friends. Had a great time playing earlier today too with my old buddies, and with the new.
I'm going to close this entry now, because I don't feel too well. A bit light in the head and the feeling I have to vomit because you just spun around. Just gonna lie down for a moment.
Thanks for reading again, and hopefully until next time.
Yours truly,
Mike
The last couple of days has been good for me, I took a day off like I said in an earlier post and for the first time in my life it felt good to spend time on myself. Reflecting back on that I think I really needed that one day.
Yesterday I went out to play pool with my friend Martin again. This time I won 8 to 7 in comparison to my lose last time by 9 to 4. It was a great evening and we stayed for about 5 hours. This caught the attention of some waitresses who were particularly interested in Martin. Like a good Bro of course I vouched for him!
Besides small talk isn't exactly an asperger's greatest trait.
Getting home past midnight and not being tired was a bit weird...It was too late to do anything or rather I didn't want to make too much noise that would wake up my neighbours. I have been hanging on the sofa petting the cats until I decided to hit the sack around 1 A.M.
I woke up realizing it was probably before 7 A.M. I didn't want to watch my alarm clock, because if I look at it I can't fall asleep again. Let me rephrase that, if I wake up in the morning, I can't fall asleep again. So of course I did what I always did. I got up. This was around 6:30 A.M.
I immediately dressed up for jogging and went on my way. I noticed that by controlling your breathing and stretching twice I could hold on longer before my legs start to hurt. Concentrating on my breathing also helped. I didn't stop to walk as much as I did last week, which is a huge accomplishment for me. At least I don't have the idea I'm not improving. Nothing feels as bad as trying hard, but not getting an inch further.
But I did it and I am pretty proud of myself!
The best part is yet to come however!
The area where I am jogging is full with bunnies. Now if you know me I really love bunnies. I wouldn't say they are my favourite animal, but I really love them! They are so cute. So I was jogging and I expected to see one or two. I did at first, but then I reached a part, and it looked like a whole army!!!
It was so much fun to see! At least 10 bunnies hopped away! Haha amazing! A while further on the trail I even saw a baby bunny! Amazing!!!!
Other than that I am editing a Battlefield 4 video I shot 3 days ago while playing. Expect it to be on youtube soon! Talking of which, I recruited some new members for the platoon I have; Howlin Mad.
Really nice people and exactly what I am looking for in a player. Someone who plays for fun, and wants to play with friends. Had a great time playing earlier today too with my old buddies, and with the new.
I'm going to close this entry now, because I don't feel too well. A bit light in the head and the feeling I have to vomit because you just spun around. Just gonna lie down for a moment.
Thanks for reading again, and hopefully until next time.
Yours truly,
Mike
vrijdag 22 augustus 2014
August 22nd 2014
Hello everyone!
So today I took a day off for my personal pleasure. Too many times I only took time off to take care of things, or for others only. Today is my day.
I am going out with my camera to shoot some photos in the nature. Something I absolutely love to do. I started today with some push-us, something I have been doing ever since my life changed about a month ago. Not doing it daily, but I skip a day.
I turned the radio on and made breakfast. A cheese-grilled sandwich with a spoon of tomato ketchup. Jasmine-strawberry tea with honey to wash it away. I am the type of guy who drinks his tea sweetened and with milk. I was supposed to do groceries yesterday but I fell asleep. When I was having breakfast this song came on the radio; I believe it is called: "Waiting for a star to fall". It was requested by a guy who celebrated his 5th anniversary of marriage today. I found myself reminiscing of the past and what could have been if I took a different path in life. Am I waiting for a star to fall as well? Now I know thinking too much about this things usually ends up in me getting depressed, so I quickly shut down this train of thoughts. I promised myself this would be a good day. I packed my bag and went on my way, into nature.
So I walked around and made some photos, but not as much as I expected to do. However I was away for a good two hours walking into nature. Walking around that early in the morning with almost no one around was soothing. So quiet, only the rustling of the wind through the leaves, the scent of the forest, makes a man find inner peace.
After that I went into the center and treated myself to a copy of Kingdom Hearts 1,5 HD remix. A game that she took with her when she left. After that I did some groceries, treated myself to some chocolate and got some stuff that will help me through the weekend.
When I got home I took a nice hot shower and did something I always do when I feel the need some guidance. I sat down and started meditating. The sound of the water, and the nice feeling of the warmth definitely helps achieving a state of inner peace as well. You see, I believe in things like this. I believe it helps.
I've seen him before, a man, that looks like me only 10 years older. A much wiser me perhaps? Everytime I saw him I asked what I should do with my life. What paths I should take, if I should go left or right.
This time he told me that a man walks his path in life, and he will always walk it alone. Sometimes people's paths cross, you walk together for a while, and then the paths split. It's life. Sometimes paths combine, and you walk them together. What we must not forget is, even if you walk a path together, there are still two paths, you continue to walk yours, for that is your life. Living your life for someone else is not worth it. Living life together with someone is. What he meant to say is, you will only be happy if you follow your own path in life, not someone else's. Unfortunately sometimes it means goodbye, but sometimes it means more joy.
I ask all of you to think about your life for a second. Do you life it for yourself? If not why not?
It is your life, living someone else's will never make you happy. I love helping people however, don't get me wrong. Just don't put others before yourself too much. Sometimes doing so gives you friends, most of the time it gives you profiteers. Do not change yourself for someone else either, I did too much in my life.
Starting today I will stand my ground. My life, my opinion, my view. It is okay to say no sometimes.
That is what my psychologist told me Tuesday.
Last but not least, I would like to thank Lia, my best friend and the best sister a person could have for always being there for me and just being an awesome and funny friend to hang out with. Here's to you sis!
Thank you for your time again! Hang in there, and see you again soon.
Yours truly,
Mike
So today I took a day off for my personal pleasure. Too many times I only took time off to take care of things, or for others only. Today is my day.
I am going out with my camera to shoot some photos in the nature. Something I absolutely love to do. I started today with some push-us, something I have been doing ever since my life changed about a month ago. Not doing it daily, but I skip a day.
I turned the radio on and made breakfast. A cheese-grilled sandwich with a spoon of tomato ketchup. Jasmine-strawberry tea with honey to wash it away. I am the type of guy who drinks his tea sweetened and with milk. I was supposed to do groceries yesterday but I fell asleep. When I was having breakfast this song came on the radio; I believe it is called: "Waiting for a star to fall". It was requested by a guy who celebrated his 5th anniversary of marriage today. I found myself reminiscing of the past and what could have been if I took a different path in life. Am I waiting for a star to fall as well? Now I know thinking too much about this things usually ends up in me getting depressed, so I quickly shut down this train of thoughts. I promised myself this would be a good day. I packed my bag and went on my way, into nature.
So I walked around and made some photos, but not as much as I expected to do. However I was away for a good two hours walking into nature. Walking around that early in the morning with almost no one around was soothing. So quiet, only the rustling of the wind through the leaves, the scent of the forest, makes a man find inner peace.
After that I went into the center and treated myself to a copy of Kingdom Hearts 1,5 HD remix. A game that she took with her when she left. After that I did some groceries, treated myself to some chocolate and got some stuff that will help me through the weekend.
When I got home I took a nice hot shower and did something I always do when I feel the need some guidance. I sat down and started meditating. The sound of the water, and the nice feeling of the warmth definitely helps achieving a state of inner peace as well. You see, I believe in things like this. I believe it helps.
I've seen him before, a man, that looks like me only 10 years older. A much wiser me perhaps? Everytime I saw him I asked what I should do with my life. What paths I should take, if I should go left or right.
This time he told me that a man walks his path in life, and he will always walk it alone. Sometimes people's paths cross, you walk together for a while, and then the paths split. It's life. Sometimes paths combine, and you walk them together. What we must not forget is, even if you walk a path together, there are still two paths, you continue to walk yours, for that is your life. Living your life for someone else is not worth it. Living life together with someone is. What he meant to say is, you will only be happy if you follow your own path in life, not someone else's. Unfortunately sometimes it means goodbye, but sometimes it means more joy.
I ask all of you to think about your life for a second. Do you life it for yourself? If not why not?
It is your life, living someone else's will never make you happy. I love helping people however, don't get me wrong. Just don't put others before yourself too much. Sometimes doing so gives you friends, most of the time it gives you profiteers. Do not change yourself for someone else either, I did too much in my life.
Starting today I will stand my ground. My life, my opinion, my view. It is okay to say no sometimes.
That is what my psychologist told me Tuesday.
Last but not least, I would like to thank Lia, my best friend and the best sister a person could have for always being there for me and just being an awesome and funny friend to hang out with. Here's to you sis!
Thank you for your time again! Hang in there, and see you again soon.
Yours truly,
Mike
woensdag 20 augustus 2014
August 20th 2014
Helloooooo nurse!! (Animaniacs! )
Welcome again in the eccentric world that is my own! Today I am going to explain to you why this blog is called "Angrycam". It's a heck of a story that includes espionage and deceiving, inventions and gadgets, and probably a whole load of crap! Hahaha.
True story is, I collect(ed) stuffed animals. On my bedroom I have a bookshelf full with stuffed animals.
Back in the day when me and my ex were still together every single one of them had an own story, an own profession. For example I have this big tiger called Emilio my brother once gave me when I was ill. He used to be called doctor Emilio sometimes because of this. Later we decided that he owns a bar and has a first-aid diploma. The bar is called Emilio's Bar, see the logo below!
Welcome again in the eccentric world that is my own! Today I am going to explain to you why this blog is called "Angrycam". It's a heck of a story that includes espionage and deceiving, inventions and gadgets, and probably a whole load of crap! Hahaha.
True story is, I collect(ed) stuffed animals. On my bedroom I have a bookshelf full with stuffed animals.
Back in the day when me and my ex were still together every single one of them had an own story, an own profession. For example I have this big tiger called Emilio my brother once gave me when I was ill. He used to be called doctor Emilio sometimes because of this. Later we decided that he owns a bar and has a first-aid diploma. The bar is called Emilio's Bar, see the logo below!
Many animals like Emilio have their own name and story. This brings us to the collection of stuffed Angry Birds! Much like the penguins of Madagascar they are spies, and are responsible for my well being. Following me around with a camera they made. The camera can fly around to check on me all day long. We named this camera: The Angrycam!
So now you guys know the story behind the name of this blog. The name is a reflection of the camera, checking on my well-being. This is what I am doing here, telling you, my family, my friends, the world, about my well-being. To tell the world my story. That is the whole idea behind it.
I certainly hope it brings you clarity, and I hope you enjoy the story too. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask them! If you get an answer is a second. ;)
Take care guys and lassies, and see you again next time.
Yours truly,
Mike
(Ps: I have a t-shirt with the Emilio's Bar logo on it! Whaaaaaat)
So now you guys know the story behind the name of this blog. The name is a reflection of the camera, checking on my well-being. This is what I am doing here, telling you, my family, my friends, the world, about my well-being. To tell the world my story. That is the whole idea behind it.
I certainly hope it brings you clarity, and I hope you enjoy the story too. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask them! If you get an answer is a second. ;)
Take care guys and lassies, and see you again next time.
Yours truly,
Mike
(Ps: I have a t-shirt with the Emilio's Bar logo on it! Whaaaaaat)
zondag 17 augustus 2014
August 17th 2014
Hello everyone!
He's back! This time will be a little different because I want to talk about vanilla!
I love vanilla, the scent, the taste... actually anything vanilla calms me!
This morning I drank vanilla tea, of course with milk and sugar, which is really me. At the moment I have a vanilla incense stick burning. I even have a vanilla shower gel, whaaaaat!
Yeah I love vanilla! Vanilla is soothing, sweet without being too sweet...just perfect!
When I was younger I would buy vanilla milkshakes at different restaurants, just to see where I could get the best. At that time Mc Donalds won the contest. I am not a fan of Mc at all! In fact, I am pro Burger King, but when it comes to ice cream and milkshakes Mc is far beyond BK.
Yesterday I went out with one of my best friends; Martin. We played pool for 4 hours straight. Lost 9 to 4 though, but it was a good laugh and a great time! Still have a bit pain in my shoulders, but the reason could also be jogging. I go jogging every sunday morning. When I jog I tend to tense up my muscles, particular in my shoulder. Every now and then I tell myself to relax, but after a while I find myself tensing them up again. It is not such a big deal, I mean I can handle it, but yeah just a bit annoying really.
Today I'll probably fill my time working on my latest artwork. I believe I spoke of it in one of my previous posts; I am remaking my, what I call the season goddesses. ( If you are interested check out my DeviantArt. Currently I am working on summer, a preview of that you can find on my facebook. It is a photo actually! I was just colouring and Altaïr, one of my three cats jumped on my desk. You can find the photo here. I must say I really enjoy drawing and colouring again, just like I used to back in the days.
I am starting to get used to being alone now too. As long as I have something to do and my weekends planned full (which was the advice my psychologist gave me). The one problem is when I start thinking about my life. I will start to wonder what will become of me in the future. Will I be happy? Will it go downwards? Soon I find myself lost in thoughts which will eventually lead to depression. Before that happens I stop thinking about them, but it certainly doesn't make me happy though. Like I said as long as I keep busy I'm good and happy!
What I'm going to do more today is rip some cd's. I have a collection of new age music which I play on my alarm clock with cd player when I go to sleep in the weekends. Think about the sound of rain, meditation music, relaxing music, etc. I really love those CD's and if you want to know, they are one of my most prized possessions. I also play them when I am drawing sometimes! It's really relaxing! Even if you are not into that stuff it could help you relax. It sure does for me. Anyway yeah, so I am going to rip them to my pc. I already ripped some, but not everything yet.
Later today I will probably do some groceries, if I am not too lazy to get out. Might also do tomorrow as I start work one hour earlier. I'll see how I feel later.
Anyway, I'm off to ripping cd's and working on my artwork!
Once again thank you for your time and I hope to see you again soon!
Hang in there, I will too!
Yours truly,
Mike
He's back! This time will be a little different because I want to talk about vanilla!
I love vanilla, the scent, the taste... actually anything vanilla calms me!
This morning I drank vanilla tea, of course with milk and sugar, which is really me. At the moment I have a vanilla incense stick burning. I even have a vanilla shower gel, whaaaaat!
Yeah I love vanilla! Vanilla is soothing, sweet without being too sweet...just perfect!
When I was younger I would buy vanilla milkshakes at different restaurants, just to see where I could get the best. At that time Mc Donalds won the contest. I am not a fan of Mc at all! In fact, I am pro Burger King, but when it comes to ice cream and milkshakes Mc is far beyond BK.
Yesterday I went out with one of my best friends; Martin. We played pool for 4 hours straight. Lost 9 to 4 though, but it was a good laugh and a great time! Still have a bit pain in my shoulders, but the reason could also be jogging. I go jogging every sunday morning. When I jog I tend to tense up my muscles, particular in my shoulder. Every now and then I tell myself to relax, but after a while I find myself tensing them up again. It is not such a big deal, I mean I can handle it, but yeah just a bit annoying really.
Today I'll probably fill my time working on my latest artwork. I believe I spoke of it in one of my previous posts; I am remaking my, what I call the season goddesses. ( If you are interested check out my DeviantArt. Currently I am working on summer, a preview of that you can find on my facebook. It is a photo actually! I was just colouring and Altaïr, one of my three cats jumped on my desk. You can find the photo here. I must say I really enjoy drawing and colouring again, just like I used to back in the days.
I am starting to get used to being alone now too. As long as I have something to do and my weekends planned full (which was the advice my psychologist gave me). The one problem is when I start thinking about my life. I will start to wonder what will become of me in the future. Will I be happy? Will it go downwards? Soon I find myself lost in thoughts which will eventually lead to depression. Before that happens I stop thinking about them, but it certainly doesn't make me happy though. Like I said as long as I keep busy I'm good and happy!
What I'm going to do more today is rip some cd's. I have a collection of new age music which I play on my alarm clock with cd player when I go to sleep in the weekends. Think about the sound of rain, meditation music, relaxing music, etc. I really love those CD's and if you want to know, they are one of my most prized possessions. I also play them when I am drawing sometimes! It's really relaxing! Even if you are not into that stuff it could help you relax. It sure does for me. Anyway yeah, so I am going to rip them to my pc. I already ripped some, but not everything yet.
Later today I will probably do some groceries, if I am not too lazy to get out. Might also do tomorrow as I start work one hour earlier. I'll see how I feel later.
Anyway, I'm off to ripping cd's and working on my artwork!
Once again thank you for your time and I hope to see you again soon!
Hang in there, I will too!
Yours truly,
Mike
woensdag 13 augustus 2014
August 13th 2014
Hello everyone.
Didn't really plan on writing anything today, yet I found myself drawn to my blog to write something. Anything. So here it is!
Even though I don't really know what to write I think this will become a decent read anyway.
I feel better since yesterday to be honest. The first step to get better is to acknowledge and accept. I think I passed these two steps already. I know what I am doing and how I am doing. Keeping up this positive attitude will only help me get one step further to feel better!
So yeah, recently I made myself a new DeviantArt page. I used to be there under two other screen names which I will not list here because of privacy reasons.
If you are interested however you are free to follow me at my DeviantArt.
Autumn is coming soon and since many of you know I am absolutely in love with the season. The rains, the colored leaves, just the whole atmosphere of autumn touches me. Back on subject however, I once made some nice art of what I call the seasons' goddesses. Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer.
I have uploaded these old art pieces to my DeviantArt with the plan of recreating them with what I have learned so far. It will be a fun project, even more fun than when I did the original ones maybe 5 - 6 years ago! Stay tuned on my DevArt page if you are curious enough to see the result!
I still find it hard to do anything in the house that doesn't involve the computer. The reason for this? Social interaction. So I took my clipboard with some A4 paper and I will start drawing here! In a way it's a solution. I will need to learn to do stuff on my own as well, but if I can be honest that is really, really hard for me at the moment.
Have I already told you that I started jogging again? I'm also rationing my food and I work out once a week. I am doing this to become healthier and look better, just like I did 5 years ago. I don't want to become 40 and be weak enough not to be able to do anything anymore. For my health and maybe even self confidence this is a good thing!
I can't wait until I have vacation in November. It will be autumn then, and I will go out with my camera to take photos of pretty autumn sights! I will upload some of them here if there is anyone interested!
I guess I've pretty much said all I wanted to say. Once again thank you for your time and until next time!
Yours truly,
Mike
Didn't really plan on writing anything today, yet I found myself drawn to my blog to write something. Anything. So here it is!
Even though I don't really know what to write I think this will become a decent read anyway.
I feel better since yesterday to be honest. The first step to get better is to acknowledge and accept. I think I passed these two steps already. I know what I am doing and how I am doing. Keeping up this positive attitude will only help me get one step further to feel better!
So yeah, recently I made myself a new DeviantArt page. I used to be there under two other screen names which I will not list here because of privacy reasons.
If you are interested however you are free to follow me at my DeviantArt.
Autumn is coming soon and since many of you know I am absolutely in love with the season. The rains, the colored leaves, just the whole atmosphere of autumn touches me. Back on subject however, I once made some nice art of what I call the seasons' goddesses. Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer.
I have uploaded these old art pieces to my DeviantArt with the plan of recreating them with what I have learned so far. It will be a fun project, even more fun than when I did the original ones maybe 5 - 6 years ago! Stay tuned on my DevArt page if you are curious enough to see the result!
I still find it hard to do anything in the house that doesn't involve the computer. The reason for this? Social interaction. So I took my clipboard with some A4 paper and I will start drawing here! In a way it's a solution. I will need to learn to do stuff on my own as well, but if I can be honest that is really, really hard for me at the moment.
Have I already told you that I started jogging again? I'm also rationing my food and I work out once a week. I am doing this to become healthier and look better, just like I did 5 years ago. I don't want to become 40 and be weak enough not to be able to do anything anymore. For my health and maybe even self confidence this is a good thing!
I can't wait until I have vacation in November. It will be autumn then, and I will go out with my camera to take photos of pretty autumn sights! I will upload some of them here if there is anyone interested!
I guess I've pretty much said all I wanted to say. Once again thank you for your time and until next time!
Yours truly,
Mike
dinsdag 12 augustus 2014
August 12th 2014
Hello everyone.
Back so soon? Yeah, but if it is unfortunate or fortunate I leave entirely up to you. This is an exhaust valve for me after all so that I don't walk around with it for too long, whether it is good or bad. I leave it up to you to decide how I am doing after you read this. I will probably feel better after letting it all out. Luckily for me there are many who understand and even read this. I thank you for that. Thanks for being there.
Recently I've been telling how I am doing and coping with the situation surrounding me. I keep telling myself I am okay and feel better. I've come to realize I just keep telling me that. It is all an act.
I once read that if you act like something you will become something, so I am hoping for the best here.
Lately I've been making a lot of noise (at work mostly), mainly to show my presence, or maybe to get attention? I try to make much noise and act all hyperactive, but is this not to hide how I really feel?
I do feel hyperactive at the time. When I am among people I feel good.
When I get home it's a different story. When I enter the door I take off the mask and hang it up the coat rack. I leave it there until I go out again. Is it a mask really? Or is it just who I am?
I keep wondering to myself: Who are you fooling? But am I really fooling myself? I don't feel good when I am alone. You see, that's the thing; when I am alone!
Of course deep inside I know I am not really alone, however I do miss people around me. I've come to realize that having people around me is worth more than all the gold in the world can buy.
Lately I've been talking about how much I started to love the radio. I do love the radio, and the music, but have you really listened to music? By listening I mean, every word that is spoken, did you feel the feeling the artist meant? I've been listening to music recently.
When you truly listen to music you start hearing the songs in a very different point of view. I would listen to the songs and came to realize every song says something about the person that is you. If it is your current situation, your life goal, your love life. How much I love music, sometimes truly listening to music hurts. You get confronted with the facts that lay before you. However songs also have the power to keep you going!
Think of professional athletes, or sports in general. Sometimes a song can make your blood pump faster and you will actually achieve the goal you couldn't reach before. Funny isn't it? Music being a reflection of your soul? All in all, I love music, I truly do!
Thing here is...I am not quite sure if I am okay at the moment. I might be, but sometimes my thoughts just run their own way. When I don't do that too much I'll probably be fine. I mean I might say that right now, but sometimes I even wonder if I'll ever be fine. It's hard at the moment. I will continue believing that I am okay, and eventually I'll get there.
Let's be honest here...I'll get there, but not without the help of all of you that have supported me in the past and still continue to do so.
Here is to my family, old friends, and the new.
Cheers!
Yours truly,
Mike
Back so soon? Yeah, but if it is unfortunate or fortunate I leave entirely up to you. This is an exhaust valve for me after all so that I don't walk around with it for too long, whether it is good or bad. I leave it up to you to decide how I am doing after you read this. I will probably feel better after letting it all out. Luckily for me there are many who understand and even read this. I thank you for that. Thanks for being there.
Recently I've been telling how I am doing and coping with the situation surrounding me. I keep telling myself I am okay and feel better. I've come to realize I just keep telling me that. It is all an act.
I once read that if you act like something you will become something, so I am hoping for the best here.
Lately I've been making a lot of noise (at work mostly), mainly to show my presence, or maybe to get attention? I try to make much noise and act all hyperactive, but is this not to hide how I really feel?
I do feel hyperactive at the time. When I am among people I feel good.
When I get home it's a different story. When I enter the door I take off the mask and hang it up the coat rack. I leave it there until I go out again. Is it a mask really? Or is it just who I am?
I keep wondering to myself: Who are you fooling? But am I really fooling myself? I don't feel good when I am alone. You see, that's the thing; when I am alone!
Of course deep inside I know I am not really alone, however I do miss people around me. I've come to realize that having people around me is worth more than all the gold in the world can buy.
Lately I've been talking about how much I started to love the radio. I do love the radio, and the music, but have you really listened to music? By listening I mean, every word that is spoken, did you feel the feeling the artist meant? I've been listening to music recently.
When you truly listen to music you start hearing the songs in a very different point of view. I would listen to the songs and came to realize every song says something about the person that is you. If it is your current situation, your life goal, your love life. How much I love music, sometimes truly listening to music hurts. You get confronted with the facts that lay before you. However songs also have the power to keep you going!
Think of professional athletes, or sports in general. Sometimes a song can make your blood pump faster and you will actually achieve the goal you couldn't reach before. Funny isn't it? Music being a reflection of your soul? All in all, I love music, I truly do!
Thing here is...I am not quite sure if I am okay at the moment. I might be, but sometimes my thoughts just run their own way. When I don't do that too much I'll probably be fine. I mean I might say that right now, but sometimes I even wonder if I'll ever be fine. It's hard at the moment. I will continue believing that I am okay, and eventually I'll get there.
Let's be honest here...I'll get there, but not without the help of all of you that have supported me in the past and still continue to do so.
Here is to my family, old friends, and the new.
Cheers!
Yours truly,
Mike
zondag 10 augustus 2014
August 10th 2014
Hello everyone and welcome once again.
My brother visited me for the weekend. The guy came cycling all the way from Rotterdam to Arnhem. 122 Km...wow. We had a great time, played some pool, got my ass kicked 3 to 1!!
Today I set him on the train back home, as he was tired from cycling! Haha! However I applaud his effort!
He went and did it after all! I'm going to try it at one point too!
When I came home I once again realized how alone I am. I know deep in my heart that there are enough people out there who care for me! So actually I am not alone at all! However, they are not right here at the moment. I guess I do need that at this point. It is not bad living on my own, but hey you do miss the social interaction sometimes. Specially when you have Aspergers. You know social interaction is hard for you, even tires you out completely, but you do long for it! Sometimes you have to break the circle and be tired. That is a different story however.
Once again I realize how much I start to love the radio. I find myself sing along most songs more often.
Singing just makes me happy sometimes...and it is awkward, I start loving the sound of my own voice. Might sound weird, but when you are in my situation you would probably understand... I even came to love Singstar! I mean first I bought it for fun and as a party game, but (not so) secretly I am playing it sometimes! Haha...you caught me!
You know..I try to be that one person that makes a difference. I want to be there for everybody.
I know people will be able to hurt me this way, it happened so much in the past. I am easy to manipulate, but recently I start to see through these things. I want to help you, but if you try to make use of me, I will show you the door while it is still closed. Believe me, it will hurt flying through that door haha!
I am not a person that gives up easily on others either, there has to be a damn good reason if I suddenly would. So people from the past, if you ever read all this, start thinking very carefully about what you have done!
I made a new friend recently too! Very nice lady :)
I am not going to go into too much detail but I am really happy someone showed interest in me!
Makes me feel like I am not yet living under that rock I think is hanging above me! Of course when there is someone that shows interest in me they have my interest as well! I do think it is the start of a very good friendship haha. I got that feeling! Thank you!
There might be a lot more that I wanted to write when I started this, but as I started writing my feelings changed and it became this story instead. I don't really pay attention to what I write, I don't think about it, I just let things flow right from the heart. This is what you are reading here.
Thank you again for the time you took by reading this! Hopefully until soon if you are not already tired of me! Hah!
Yours truly,
Mike
My brother visited me for the weekend. The guy came cycling all the way from Rotterdam to Arnhem. 122 Km...wow. We had a great time, played some pool, got my ass kicked 3 to 1!!
Today I set him on the train back home, as he was tired from cycling! Haha! However I applaud his effort!
He went and did it after all! I'm going to try it at one point too!
When I came home I once again realized how alone I am. I know deep in my heart that there are enough people out there who care for me! So actually I am not alone at all! However, they are not right here at the moment. I guess I do need that at this point. It is not bad living on my own, but hey you do miss the social interaction sometimes. Specially when you have Aspergers. You know social interaction is hard for you, even tires you out completely, but you do long for it! Sometimes you have to break the circle and be tired. That is a different story however.
Once again I realize how much I start to love the radio. I find myself sing along most songs more often.
Singing just makes me happy sometimes...and it is awkward, I start loving the sound of my own voice. Might sound weird, but when you are in my situation you would probably understand... I even came to love Singstar! I mean first I bought it for fun and as a party game, but (not so) secretly I am playing it sometimes! Haha...you caught me!
You know..I try to be that one person that makes a difference. I want to be there for everybody.
I know people will be able to hurt me this way, it happened so much in the past. I am easy to manipulate, but recently I start to see through these things. I want to help you, but if you try to make use of me, I will show you the door while it is still closed. Believe me, it will hurt flying through that door haha!
I am not a person that gives up easily on others either, there has to be a damn good reason if I suddenly would. So people from the past, if you ever read all this, start thinking very carefully about what you have done!
I made a new friend recently too! Very nice lady :)
I am not going to go into too much detail but I am really happy someone showed interest in me!
Makes me feel like I am not yet living under that rock I think is hanging above me! Of course when there is someone that shows interest in me they have my interest as well! I do think it is the start of a very good friendship haha. I got that feeling! Thank you!
There might be a lot more that I wanted to write when I started this, but as I started writing my feelings changed and it became this story instead. I don't really pay attention to what I write, I don't think about it, I just let things flow right from the heart. This is what you are reading here.
Thank you again for the time you took by reading this! Hopefully until soon if you are not already tired of me! Hah!
Yours truly,
Mike
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