August 12th 2014

Hello everyone.

Back so soon? Yeah, but if it is unfortunate or fortunate I leave entirely up to you. This is an exhaust valve for me after all so that I don't walk around with it for too long, whether it is good or bad. I leave it up to you to decide how I am doing after you read this. I will probably feel better after letting it all out. Luckily for me there are many who understand and even read this. I thank you for that. Thanks for being there.

Recently I've been telling how I am doing and coping with the situation surrounding me. I keep telling myself I am okay and feel better. I've come to realize I just keep telling me that. It is all an act.
I once read that if you act like something you will become something, so I am hoping for the best here.
Lately I've been making a lot of noise (at work mostly), mainly to show my presence, or maybe to get attention? I try to make much noise and act all hyperactive, but is this not to hide how I really feel?
I do feel hyperactive at the time. When I am among people I feel good.

When I get home it's a different story. When I enter the door I take off the mask and hang it up the coat rack. I leave it there until I go out again. Is it a mask really? Or is it just who I am?
I keep wondering to myself: Who are you fooling? But am I really fooling myself? I don't feel good when I am alone. You see, that's the thing; when I am alone!

Of course deep inside I know I am not really alone, however I do miss people around me. I've come to realize that having people around me is worth more than all the gold in the world can buy.

Lately I've been talking about how much I started to love the radio. I do love the radio, and the music, but have you really listened to music? By listening I mean, every word that is spoken, did you feel the feeling the artist meant? I've been listening to music recently.

When you truly listen to music you start hearing the songs in a very different point of view. I would listen to the songs and came to realize every song says something about the person that is you. If it is your current situation, your life goal, your love life. How much I love music, sometimes truly listening to music hurts. You get confronted with the facts that lay before you. However songs also have the power to keep you going!

Think of professional athletes, or sports in general. Sometimes a song can make your blood pump faster and you will actually achieve the goal you couldn't reach before. Funny isn't it? Music being a reflection of your soul? All in all, I love music, I truly do!

Thing here is...I am not quite sure if I am okay at the moment. I might be, but sometimes my thoughts just run their own way. When I don't do that too much I'll probably be fine. I mean I might say that right now, but sometimes I even wonder if I'll ever be fine. It's hard at the moment. I will continue believing that I am okay, and eventually I'll get there.

Let's be honest here...I'll get there, but not without the help of all of you that have supported me in the past and still continue to do so.

Here is to my family, old friends, and the new.
Cheers!

Yours truly,

Mike