August 28th 2014

Hey everyone,

Today I started noticing my concentration is lower than it was before. I noticed in traffic first, slow reaction...didn't see things. I noticed while playing Battlefield 4 earlier. I am not as sharp as I used to be. Must be because I am tired. Thinking back with what I wrote yesterday...it all makes sense.
What makes sense? I'm going to tell you.

Lately I am having trouble sleeping. I am not afraid of the dark, but I am afraid there is someone or something lurking at me from the shadows. I am afraid I might wake up facing an intruder in my bedroom. Reading all these articles about robberies when the robbers stand in your bedroom having you at gunpoint doesn't exactly help either. I know it is mostly a play in my head which is going sour, but still, the thought of something watching me keeps me up at night. Try to be alert, try to be able to handle accordingly, going over to action immediately. Unfortunately this has an impact on my night's rest. I don't sleep as well.

Now there are a few things which I have done and/or am doing to make me feel safer, I mean I lock the door, I put the safety stop on it as well.. I have a LED board which I turn on every now and then. I have glow sticks which I place in the room. I have a stuffed turtle with lights in his shield which project stars on the ceiling. Apart from Turtle being that cool turtle, it helps me sleep at night for a bit. I am surrounded by things to use as weapons as well. Still...I am having trouble sleeping.

The reason behind this is, or at least I'm 90% sure it is, is because I never lived on my own. I had my parents living in my house, after that I moved in with my ex. So I have never truly been alone. I remember when my ex went away for a couple of days I experienced that same feeling. Now I am all alone in the house which worries me a bit.

I am going to discuss this issue with my psychologist upcoming Tuesday, see if she has any tips for me.
Right now this is all I wanted to talk about. If more comes to mind I'll let you know.
Hang in there everybody! Catch you on the flipside.

Yours truly,

Mike