May 26th 1988

I was born on May 26th 1988.
In the Eudokia hospital in Rotterdam, the Netherlands. The hospital doesn't exist anymore unfortunately. I am the son of a Spanish father and a Dutch mother. Sometimes this troubles me because for the Dutch I am a foreigner, and I was always treated this way and personally I feel this way too, I feel like a Spaniard. The only downside is, I don't speak the language yet. I am planning to learn it as I want to get closer to my roots and find out my true self. I was named Michael , after Michael Jackson. Back then I didn't like the name, I still don't but I have come to peace with it now. Especially because MJ is sort of a legend to me. I do however request anyone to call me Mike instead of Michael. This is because I was bullied a lot in primary school. Kids would often call me michael the eikel. Eikel is the Dutch word for dickhead. Not a pleasant memory, however this was not my first.

Some people say you don't remember anything at all from when you were a baby. My earliest memory is probably one from when I was 2 or 3 years old. I was still in the baby buggy at that time, I remember this really well. It used to rain, and it was a bit foggy, the street was empty and I knew at that time that I would love the sound and feel of soft rain on my face, it feels like closing your eyes on a hot shower. This is probably my earliest memory.

The other memories I have is from watching old photos with my parents. I loved to go to the children's farm. I saw a lot of photos of me being there. I also loved to walk in the forest. When I was 2 years old I got a febrile seizure. This can be compared with an epileptic attack..Put a good scare on my parents. Then there is a not so pleasant memory of when I was 3 years old... I was touched by my cousin. I won't put any detail on that there, but I thought I should share. Another thing also happened when I was 3 years old, I was riding my tricycle in the house too fast and I fell off. I hit my head on a shelf, this explains the scar I have on the left side of my head. I also had a great interest in toy cars, and toy tool sets. Mainly the toy cars, because I collected a lot, knew every brand and type by name at such a young age, and I collected cards of cars. I used to have a great fear of the color black, this was probably derived from my fear of fire, because if something was burned it would leave a black spot. I also fear insects and spiders, which I still do.

We moved back in 1992 before my birthday when I was 3 years old. I went to kindergarten when I was 4 years old. I was a shy but proud kid.. I remember someone wanted to play with me when I first got introduced to the class, but I hid behind my mom. I also remember when my parents bought me a Lego car. I proudly showed this to my class.

The bullying would start here. I don't know why people bullied me and until today I still don't know. I do think I have gained a light form of PTST because of this, however this was never proven. I remember a day when someone bullied me so bad I peed my pants. The teacher was out of the classroom and I would go out on the hallways looking for her, wondering where she went. I do remember I got some cool overalls from school that made me look like Super Mario so that my parents could wash my own clothes. I used to be a big fan of Mario ever since I was a child.

Not much I can say about the upcoming years after that. I loved reading books, mainly detectives and children's books. Sometimes I would read things that was below my age. I just liked them, I loved the imagination and the fantasy used in the books, but the teachers nor my classmates understood this. I don't think they understood me at all. I loved to play imaginary games. For example I loved to play that I was Mario, or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc. etc.

I used to be pretty good at drawing, probably the best of my class by then. People always wanted me to draw stuff for them. Sometimes they even forced me to do it. Saying things like, if you don't we will hit you after school. At this time this happened atleast twice a week for a reason I still don't know. I also was one of the brightest kids in class. I never been really good at maths though, and I didn't like it up until high school.
(Just to explain here; in the Netherlands kids usually go to kindergarten at the age of 4 years old. Kinder garten has 2 years, after that in the 3rd grade it's called primary school, which takes up until the 8th grade. After that you go to high school, and from there, depending on your skill you go to college, or university.)
Anyway one of the things I remember when I once got into a fight is that someone hit my nose and it wouldn't stop bleeding. The kids always used to wait for me at the corner of my street, which lead to the school as well. Usually my dad looked out of the window for me to walk around the corner. This time he didn't. When I came home crying my mother would visit the kid's house with me to make things up. My dad being the badass he is came along a while later. I remember him getting into a fistfight with the kid's father. It was pretty funny when you think about it.. I am pretty much of a daddy's boy, in the sense of I get along better with my dad than with my mom. According to my dad it has been this way ever since I was a baby. No one, not even my mother could hardly touch me, except my dad.

In the 8th grade of primary school one of the teachers remarked that I had changed. I got a bit more upstanding. We didn't have a teacher at the 8th grade anymore because there simply was none. Our class got split up to sit with lower classes and do independent work which would be discussed once a week with the whole class. I never really had much friends, but the friends that I had I really valued high. My friend Andy whom I played with ever since I was a kid lived around the corner from my house. There wasn't a day we didn't hang out. My aunt and uncle would live in the apartment underneath ours. I hung out with my (other) cousin a lot too. Most of my friends, the persons I valued a lot moved, this devastated me, since I don't get along well with people in general, so it was a big shock for me to hear the people I could get along well were gone out of my life. I felt lonely back then. I also had some crushes back in the 8th grade but it never turned out to be anything at all. We had these "detective" clubs going on as well, trying to solve mysteries around the neighborhood and at school... Well this was pretty much about it considering my primary school years, and the first 12 years of my life.

It's probably for the best if I close this chapter and start a new one with the following years to make reading this a lot easier.

I hope I don't bore you with this, but it certainly does me good to write this down.
See you soon.