Oh Internet

Hello and welcome again.

As promised here I will discuss the life I developed on internet, away from reality, away from everything else, except my very own created world on the internet. A world where I could be myself and where I was not the person with social fears. In real life I was continuously held back to be who I really was. Constantly adjusting to the people I hang out with. This is also one of the reasons I would rather be alone than with company. Nowadays this is different. There are a few persons where I can be myself, who understand me, and respect me. That however is a different story. Back on the subject.

We got our first computer when I was 12, at that time I really wanted to have one, mainly to play games.
In the end I didn't really care much about the computer, and would spend most of my time walking around aimlessly outside by myself. Back then I pretty much lived in my own Final Fantasy world.
Now sometime later we finally got internet. Fun and all, but the real fun started with MSN and forums.
I joined a final fantasy forum, which would later become an general rpg forum.
Met some people there, added them to my msn, and we would have a great time talking with each other.
I also met some girls on there, and I got really close friends with one in particular. I visited her a time or two, and I had the idea we would be friends, or perhaps something more for quite a long time. However times changed and eventually we grew apart. She changed. The ever so innocent and smiling girl I used to know back then changed into a dark person beyond saving.  Before that happened though I met some other people there too. We had a sort of community thing, where I would be everyone's big brother, because I was one of the oldest. Via some of those friends I met my girlfriend when I was 14. Things went sour when we had our first forum meeting in Rotterdam and I took my girlfriend with me. When we were taking a rest at one of the benches on the square in front of the cinema, she laid down on the bench, placing her head on another guy's lap. I was puzzled by this and didn't know what to do. Being the person I am, I didn't say anything.

Before I continue I want to say this; most of the things here probably aren't in chronological order, just writing down what comes to mind. My apologies for this!

Well, there used to be this other guy..he was my friend, I trusted him. I used to cheer him up and be there for him whenever he needed someone. Mainly when he had problems with his girlfriend. One day he decided to make a new MSN address and delete the old one. He wrote this in his name: "If you didn't get an invite I probably don't like you." I felt back-stabbed. How could he? After all I have been there for him many times. After a conversation we parted ways.
There was also this girl who first never wanted to give me her email address. After my long time nagging she finally gave me her email and I added her to msn. She never told me her real name. We have known each other for a good 10 to 11 years before I decided to stop using msn last year. She was a great person to talk to though, even though we didn't speak that much.

Prior to this, a couple of years back when I was 14, I used to hang out with this guy at school who was in my cousin's class. He had a crush on her. Lets say I was the one who brought them together, but eventually they ditched me, and never spoke to me again. After this I decided to take my distance on my family as well. From that day on, the only persons of my family I cared about the most were my mom, dad and brother.

Well lets see...it was about close to the end of the rpg forum era where I messed up something big. I had been telling lies to my friends about certain events I made up that didn't happen. I decided to be straight with them, this only worked against me, and I lost the trust of all my friends. When I wanted to explain this to a person I thought was my friend, instead of helping me he turned against me too. Later I found out he had a crush on my close friend. Figures. Either way, that was probably one of the darkest periods in my life. I lost all I had, all I care about. For the next couple of days I found myself in a bottomless well with nothing but dark clouds around me. It was then that I met my friend, the person I called brother for many years.
I had him on my msn list for an unknown reason, I probably met him at the rpg forum as well. Either way he felt pretty sad too, his mum was an alcoholic and since I was pretty fucked up myself I decided to talk to him cheer each other up. We became the closest friends guys could be.
I visited him, and we had a great time, he visited me and it was nice too. For some reason we drifted apart. Up until this day I still hope we could talk again like the old times. I guess that part of faith wasn't meant to be. I didn't speak to him in a long time and I think I probably never will again.

Somewhere in between that time I joined the art community site DeviantArt. There I would upload my drawings and meet a lot of people. One of them is my closest friend and dear sister Lia whom I will feature in my next entry.

I met one of my previous girlfriends on DA as well. This shamefully turned out bad, mainly because of the distance. I met some people, but we grew apart. Via them I also had another girlfriend who was going to visit me. We had everything planned, and I went to the airport to pick her up, eventually she never showed up. Said she would be a week later. Cautious after what happened the first time I stayed at home, just to learn she couldn't make it again.

There also was this other girl, to me she seemed lonely, but nice. I tried to be there for her and I guess she liked the fact that I did, when every other friend she would have in real life ditched her. We became close-to-close friends. Unfortunately she didn't talk much to me after a while. I first visited England to meet my sister Lia with this girl. She went with me the second time I went to England with my current girlfriend. When we were here we wanted to visit places. This girl didn't. Later we learned that she talked behind our back saying that we were the persons who didn't want to go anywhere. She would also treat Lia with disrespect and only talk to her whenever she needed something, or talk to us when she needed something. This is where we all decided to ditch her. Last thing I heard of her is her asking if she did anything wrong.

Now, meanwhile I met this other person, boy she was manipulative, and probably not 100% in the head. I had to do anything for her. She would always be depressed and if I couldn't cheer her up I was not a good friend. It was pretty stressful for me. Whenever I wanted to talk about something bad that happened to me she wouldn't listen because whatever happened to her was worse anyway. The thing is she probably had a multiple personality disorder.
Via her I got into contact with a girl, real nice and cute. She became my girlfriend. Little did I know she didn't exist. She had me fooled for two years. Why did she do this? Attention? I don't know. It got worse when I went to visit Sweden where she lived. Hoping to see my "girlfriend" there, I was allowed to stay at my "friend's" house. She bored me for two long weeks. I kept asking if I would see my "girlfriend". She always made up a reason why she couldn't see me. Little did I know she didn't exist.
Slowly I decided to take my distance on her, before finally deleting her from my msn. At this time I was close friends with the girl from the previous paragraph and of course, close friends with Lia.

Once again some other people came and went, and somewhere around this time I got into contact with my current girlfriend via a commission request. I have talked about this in a previous entry if I'm correct. The price for the artwork would be 5 euros. This very 5 euros we put in an envelope and pasted it in our scrapbook. At this point all I have is my girlfriend Josca and my sister Lia. I decided these were the persons I wanted to share the rest of my life with.

I moved to Arnhem, met some friends of Josca, some of them are pretty close friends of mine too.
I work with a colleague and me and him get along well too, even though he's in a whole different type of life from me. I am happy as it is now, and I think I have left my internet life behind me. Mainly because I live together with my girlfriend now and me and Lia are more than just internet friends. We have met a few times in real life, so for me, that doesn't count as internet friend anymore.

This concludes my life on the internet. If I forgot anything I am sorry, or I probably don't remember.
The next entry I want to dedicate to my best friend, my closest friend and my dear sister Lia.

See you then!