July 28th 2014

Hello everyone.

Feeling a bit broken, lost in the dark and alone right now. In one swing all my confident went down the drain.
Thoughts started running places they aren't supposed to go. Listening to the radio and all the songs on the radio made me feel like they appeal to me in a way.

Started thinking about my future. Wondering if I'll ever find my significant other. Then I started thinking.. who am I kidding? Who wants to live with an autistic person? You'll have to be strong for that and unfortunately it's one of the reasons she left me. So at that point, all my confidence and hope went down the drain. Will I be alone forever? I want to get married and have children at some point. It's one of my dreams.

Truth is I don't go out much, mainly because of my autism. Lately I try to go places, but I haven't reached that point yet where I will visit pubs or public places like that. It will happen at some point, but still, considering the facts, I don't have much hope at the moment. While a week back, I was so confident, so strong. Right now I feel like the weakest person on earth.

Music has become one of the most comforting things in live now. If I didn't have the radio I bought recently it would be so quiet in the house I will probably go insane and talk to walls. I enjoy going to work now because at least I have interaction. When I get home I get reminded how lonely I am and will be for a while and that thought makes me sad. Also, how much I like music, music is a reflection of emotions I always say. Some songs I hear makes me thing of things that happened, things around me...things in general..
It makes me feel empty, yet full at the same time.

I hope it kinda made sense, but at least I got this out of the way for now.
I just hope I can meet new people soon, as I am dying for new contacts!
Thank you for reading and hopefully until soon.

Yours truly,

Mike