Setbacks

Hello everyone and welcome once more.

Today I'm going to talk about setbacks. Everyone has them every now and then, some people have them all the time. Unfortunately, I'm one of the latter persons. Everytime I try to do something it doesn't work the way I want it to. When I find something new and fun to do something eventually have to spoil the fun for me.
Not at the beginning, no, someone must hate me this much that after I walked the long road to my destination, the destination doesn't seem to exist, if that makes sense. I don't mind things don't working out, but I do mind if things don't work out when you did your best and gave it your all. This makes me very sad and depressed, sometimes even make me wonder why I am still alive, and make me wonder what I did wrong in my life to keep deserving these kind of things. Why? Because it happens all the fucking time.
I'm pretty much sick of it, and makes me want to give up on everything I believe I can accomplish, I will only disappoint myself anyway.
Now with that out of the way I suppose I should feel a little better, but guess what, I do not. I feel like a piece of shit not worth anything, and my mind is so blocked of that anything you say doesn't make a difference. Things like this need time to heal, I've been knocked down too hard for me to be able to get up in one go. I need to take it step by step and eventually I'll recover.
At the moment I couldn't care less what happens in the world, for I am stuck in my own little dark world right now. After a good night sleep I probably feel a lot better and I am able to make a fresh start, but with less courage to try something new afraid of failing on it anyway.
I have to live with myself and sometimes I can't even stand myself. I hope you are more fortunate.
I think I've said all I wanted to say for today. Take care and hang in there.